"I Can Trust You"

Where do I start writing when I have so much on my mind? It’s all good things, although some challenging, some encouraging, and some a little tougher to understand. I think it is my concern that the depth or the completeness of the things I am thinking about will not be accurately portrayed once they are written out. However, sometimes in writing comes a new understanding as thoughts are verbalized and I get to see written what was previously only in my mind.

I guess I need to start by writing the words that were originally penned by Rebecca St. James and Shaun Shankel entitled “I Can Trust You.” I originally found these words during the end of my senior year of high school when I felt like I was slowly losing control of the things which were of most comfort to me because I would soon be leaving my family, my classmates, my school, and my country for something that was completely foreign. Here I am four years later looking back at the path God has led me on since then which I call: Journey of Grace.

“Yes, I know that You have paved a path for me. Yes, I know that You see what I do and don’t need. But when it comes to the deepest things, I have a hard time relinquishing control, letting go. God, it hurts to give You what I must lay down. But when I let go, freedom’s found. God, it hurts to give You what I’ve held so dear. Because of Your love it’s clear, I can trust You with this, I can trust You with me, I can trust You. Lord, I know that You are worthy of my trust. For You have shown me time and time again, You’re faithful, and yet, I’m so scared of letting go of this. Afraid of what You might do with it. How could I forget who You are like this? Me forsaking, heart is breaking, I let go of what I’ve held so tight. Freedom’s mine now for the taking. I move in faith, not by sight. Let Your will be done.”

I found these words again at the end of my senior year of college (about three weeks ago), and they hold just as much truth as they did when I read them for the first time four years ago. However, this time they also mark the beginning of a different journey. Graduating from college is a whole new step in life, one which I’m sure I could spend extensive time pondering and writing about. It’s a new chapter in my Journey of Grace which God is so faithfully writing one page/day at a time. In many ways I can identify with Abraham’s story in Genesis 12:1 “The LORD had said to Abram, ‘Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father’s family, and go to the land that I will show you.’” And similar to Abraham, I want to be obedient as God leads, even when I don’t know what the future holds in store. It’s exciting to think about what adventures lay before me…but one thought keeps coming back to my mind. Ten, twenty, fifty or more years from now when I look back at this point in my life, what will I remember? What will be of utmost importance to me then? Is that what is of importance to me now?

I started listening to a series by David Platt entitled Radical Series less than a week ago and a few days later also started reading the book “The Relationship Principles of Jesus” by Tom Holladay. God has used both of these sources of input in my life to challenge and change my life, literally. Both have led me to start asking some tough questions and to evaluate my own personal life. I don’t have all the answers, I don’t even know exactly what this will look like in my life…but one thing is certain, I cannot go back to being who I was before, not if I’m going to take my relationship with Jesus Christ seriously.

The first part of the Radical Series is “What the Gospel Demands” based on Luke 14:33 “So you cannot become my disciple without giving up everything you own.” (NLT) Actually, the entire passage that is focused on is Luke 14:25-35 in which Jesus teaches about the cost of being a disciple. (Anything in quotes is what David Platt said.) “Do I believe the Bible? Do I REALLY believe it? Because if I do, that has RADICAL implications for my life! Based on Luke 14:33, I cannot call myself a disciple unless I give up everything! Do I believe what the Bible says about the church?”

I have important decisions to make:
“Will I choose comfort or a cross? (Matthew 8) Will I choose maintenance or mission? Will I choose indecisive minds or undivided hearts?”

Although I know I do not understand the depth of each of these questions, I recognize that I have been living with an indecisive mind.

“We come to Jesus to get HIM! He is the means to HIM! He is the end! Always seek first the kingdom! Sinful indecision has gripped my heart…when I ask is it safe? Is it wise? Do I have enough time? If Jesus has said it…do it! Indecision hinders us!” “Do I believe what the Bible says about the lost? Over 4.5 billion people are heading to eternal torment. Do I believe what the Bible says about the poor? 30,000 children today will die from starvation or preventable disease.”

“We are not even inconvenienced by this extreme poverty because those stricken by it are not only poor…they are powerless. We can continue with our lives and pretend like they don’t exist.”

“God measures the integrity of our faith, by our concern for the poor!”

This is the key!!! “Salvation is through GRACE alone, by FAITH alone, in JESUS CHRIST alone!!!

This led me to start asking some questions: “Am I living in deliberate, persistent disobedience to Christ? Is HE really in me? How can I believe in Jesus and have so much stuff? In the process of being “successful” by human/earthly standards, I’d waste my life! Then I’d realize my mistake for billions and billions of years to come.”

Am I willing to go on this journey? I don’t know what it looks like, but I do know that even asking these questions leads me deeper in my relationship with Jesus as I spend time in prayer to get to know His heart in the matter.

It all comes back to…everything for the KINGDOM!!! “He is the center! He is the goal! NOTHING seems like a sacrifice in light of Christ! Fix your eyes on Jesus!”

The second part of the Radical Series is “The Gospel Demands Radical Sacrifice” based on Luke 14:26 where Jesus said, “If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple.” (NLT)

“Avoid getting too specific in answers [to the hard questions] because we’ve created a system of boxes to check off…if we do this, we will miss the point. Not know and not understanding leads us to hours of prayer, wrestling with God and the Holy Spirit to find out what this means in our life. We will miss God’s desire. Transformations on the inside do have external ramifications! Dive into the prayer closet! Spend the time in prayer wrestling with God!”

“Are you willing to come to Jesus on His terms? The brand of Christianity we have adopted comes to Jesus on our own terms. ‘Anyone who does not give up everything, cannot be [Jesus’] disciple.’ How would I have responded to these words in the first century when Jesus spoke them? Are these words too hard for us to hear today? What does that say to us today? As if there are levels of Christianity, we ask if we can be a believer and not a disciple…one level where it doesn’t cost us very much and another level that requires commitment.”

I’m afraid when I first gave my life to Christ when I was seven years old I did not fully understand what it meant to follow Jesus Christ. Luke 14:28 says “But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it?” (NLT) Now I have the chance, and the choice, to count the cost. I find myself taken aback by the possibilities and implications of radical commitment. Again, I do not know exactly what this means or what this will look like in my life, but I desire to be radically committed to Jesus Christ.

Chapter 2 in Tom Holladay’s book, “The Relationship Principles of Jesus,” speaks on the subject of priorities. (Anything in quotations are his words.) As I read, I realized there are many things in my life that are unimportant and yet I make them important by focusing on them and making them a priority. My priorities should be based on what Jesus taught so clearly as being our priority: “Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself.”

“There is a difference between what we think we should value and what we truly value.”

The questions that helped me understand this statement more clearly are:
“What is the first thing you think about in the morning? What does your schedule tell you about your priorities? As you look at your checkbook, what gets paid, no matter what? What do you find yourself talking about most? What is the last thing you think about when your head hits the pillow at night?”

Wow, having to answer these questions gives me a whole new perspective of my day, priorities, and thought processes. We “cannot serve both God and ______!” (fill in the blank with whatever is grabbing for your time/money/attention). This is what God’s word teaches because it is impossible for competing values to coexist…one will overwhelm the other! “The strange thing is: the lesser value almost always overwhelms the greater. Lesser values take less faith and less effort. The less value seems easier, and so it will constantly draw you in. Because to all appearances you can reach a lesser value more quickly, you’ll be continually tempted to make it your first priority.”

I finally started to see the truth in those sentences. I have always written it off as “my personality” to be focused on getting mere tasks done. However, when I think about the things written in my planner and the way I organize my life, I see how tasks many times come first because they seem to take less time and effort than investing in the relationships God has so richly blessed me with (i.e. friends, family, anyone for that matter).

***If I only had today, this week, this month, or this year to live…would I want to spend my time getting a few more tasks crossed off my planner or investing in my most precious relationship with my Savior and in the lives of the people I know and love?***

This may seem like a rhetorical question, however, from the way I am living today and the way my thoughts are focused, it really does seem like tasks take priority over people. How can this be?

This is what has grabbed my attention. There needs to be change!

“If we boil it all down, questions about priority are questions about faith.” Do I trust God enough to take care of me as He takes care of the birds of the air and the lilies of the field?

** “God does not demand of me that I accomplish great things. He does demand of me that I strive for excellence in my relationships.” ** “These two sentences reminded me that it would be the easiest thing in the world to chase after accomplishments my entire life and yet be left with mediocre relationships.”

Patrick Henry, a Revolutionary War hero, wrote at the end of his life: “I have now disposed of all my property to my family. There is one thing more I wish I could give them, and that is the Christian religion. If they had that and I had not given them one shilling, they would be rich; and if they had not that, and I had given them all the world, they would be poor.”

Therefore, I owe you an apology if you have ever felt like a mere “task” in my life…because right now I want to tell you that you are of incredible significance to me. I treasure our friendship and I look forward to the time God will give us together.

I want you to know that my relationship with Jesus Christ is of highest importance in my life, and it is my intimacy with Him that is the greatest gift I can give you. I trust Him…and I know that each day I will learn to trust HIM more!

“I move in faith, not by sight. Let Your will be done.”